Seduce Men

Insight into a man's mind, written by a man. What do men think of women? Why do men act like they do? This insight should indirectly teach you, how to seduce men and understand what men think and how men think. If you would like to ask a question about men, please leave your question on the comments page and I will try to answer it for you.

Wednesday, February 08, 2006

New web site

Due to the popularity of this blog I now have a new web site at www.seducemen.co.uk

It's now 2009 and I've created a new web site and it's the start of a dating experiment, for more information go to: www.datingproblem.co.uk

Saturday, August 27, 2005

Most popular post

The most popular post is 19) How do you tell if a guy fancies you?

Monday, May 02, 2005

26) What do men think are positive characteristics of women?

Most men and women believe that looks are the most important thing attracting men to women. Whilst a womans body and looks is very important to most men, I personally don't agree that it is the most important point. It is true that if the woman has made no effort to look good and looks ugly then yes a man is not going to find her attractive. Men themselves probably believe that looks are the most important thing, but deep down their unconscious brain is telling them other things are more important.

Here is an example. From a distance a man sees a beautiful woman across the bar, he thinks "she looks hot". He eventually plucks up the courage to go over to her. He says "Hi my name is John". She says "get lost loser". Then suddenly this attractive woman becomes totally unattractive to him. She may have an attractive body, but the idea of attractiveness is the whole package, which includes looks, personality and rapport.

Here is another example. From a distance he sees another beautiful woman across the bar, he thinks "she is a supermodel". He goes over to talk to her. He has a five minute conversation with her. The problem is the conversation keeps drying up and her opinions differ from his. He is finding it very difficult and uncomfortable having a conversation with her. She suddenly becomes less attractive because he can't build up a rapport with her.

Another point about attractiveness is that different men, find different women attractive. Some men like blondes, some like brunettes. Some men like skinny women, some like medium and some even like big women.

Some like women with small breasts, others like women with medium sized breasts and some like women with big breasts. You may think that all men like women with big breasts, but men themselves fail to realise that they don't measure a womans breast size when they are deciding whether to go out with them. Big breasts are really just a source of amusement to men, they can have some banter with their friends about that big pair they have just seen.

Probably the most important concept of ruling out an attractive body as the most important aspect of attracting a man to a woman is the ageing process. Women lose their physical atrractiveness as they age but that does not stop men finding them an attractive partner. Men do not suddenly dump women when they get to a certain age and single men and women still get together even in their 60's.

I think I have justified my point about physical attractiveness, personality and rapport. Now I will try to answer the question of what men think are womens postive characteristics. I will have to break men into two categories to answer this question. i) Men looking for a long term relationship ii) Men looking for sex

i) Men looking for a long term relationship (this is the group I fall into!)
1) Rapport between him and her (the most important point for a long lasting relationship, you need to become best friends, especially if you are going to marry and have children).
2) How talkative she is (Most men are useless at communication, he will want you to fill this gap in his talents. He will need you to be his personal communicator in certain circumstances in his life, he needs you to lead the conversation and cut out those uncomfortable silences).
3) Friendliness (Get lost loser, is the most common words he hears from a womans mouth. He wants someone who is friendly towards him and friendly and amicable towards others. Being friends with other people gets you places in this world. Being aggresive loses friends and gets him into fights. Most men do not want an aggressive, unfriendly woman. The Men that do go for aggressive women, usually realise they have made a big mistake by the time they are 30 year old. And let's face it, if aggressive was attractive, we'd probably be attracted to other men).
4) Caring (He wants someone who can care for his children and care for him when he is ill).
5) Hair (Most men don't know it but the first thing they notice on a woman is her hair or clothes. A woman may have her back to a man or may have long hair which covers her face. The style and texture of her hair is very important. Does the style suit her, is the texture of her hair vibrant and silky looking. Nice Hair denotes good hair, hygiene, confidence and can actually make a woman look 10 times more physically attractive than they did with their last haircut).
6) Clothes (Always dress in clothes which emphasise the good parts of your body and distract from the bad parts of your body. Clothes can mean the difference between an attractive woman and unattractive woman. I have seen women that I was not attracted to one night, the same women out the next night in a stunning outfit and I am absolutely besotted and can't believe it is the same woman as the night before).
7) Laughs (we don't want to spend our lives with a bore. Do you make us laugh? And do you laugh at our jokes? Women have a far different sense of humour to men. Men are more diverse and can actually find a womans sense of humour funny, though they usually can't tell female type jokes. Whereas women tend to find mens jokes offensive and definitely can't tell male type jokes. So in general it depends on how adaptable the man is to try and suppress his male sense of humour, create a few female jokes and also laugh at the female jokes that spout out of the womans mouth).
8) Face (To me, Jennifer Anniston does not have a particularly good looking face. What attracted Brad Pitt to marry her was her rapport with him, talkative/friendly nature, sense of humour, great looking hair and taste in clothes. And that is why the face is low down in my estimations of what men find attractive in women).
9) Body (Her body is fairly important, but lets face it once she has had a few of our babies, it is probably not going to be as attractive. What a body should demonstrate is the health of a woman, not too thin which would demonstrate malnurishment, not too fat which would demonstrate a lack of fitness and unhealthy lifestyle. In general a nice body might be the thing that draws our attention across a bar, but we are going to have to spend the rest of our life with this women, so surely personality and rapport is going to be more important. Supermodels have superb bodies, would I like to spend the rest of my life with a supermodel? I don't think so. In general as long as she at least has an average body, her personality is far more important).
10) Smiles (Very important, particularly in the early stages. Smiles help show an interest in someone and help show a friendliness towards them. Long term it denotes that you are happy and are likely to pass on that happiness to him and any children).

ii) Men looking for sex
1) How likely she will have sex with him
2) Her personality (personality is still fairly important, because he needs to be able to get on well with you in order to persuade you to have sex).
3) Her hair (this gives his unconscious brain an idea of how much you look after the personal hygiene of other parts of your body!)
4) Her face (whilst he will say to his friends that he will visualise a paper bag over your head if you are unattractive, in reality he would much prefer someone relatively attractive to have sex with).
5) How attractive her body is (while this is the least important point for men looking just for sex, he still wants someone who looks reasonably presentable).

Sunday, April 17, 2005

24) Why won't he say "I love you"?

On a second date with a woman I was surprised that she decided to ask me the most difficult question that you could ask a man. She asked "Do you love me?" I paused for a moment to figure out what I was going to say. Do I lie and say yes? or do I tell the truth and say no, is this a loaded question with no correct answer I was thinking?

I collected my thoughts and said "I don't know yet, this is only our second date". This came from my heart and was the truth, I could not possibly tell a woman on the second date whether I love her or not. Asking me just creeped me out completely and put me in an awkward position, where I did not know what to say. Her manner just completely changed when I gave my reply, all of a sudden she just went into a stroppy mood. In the end she just ended up walking out. I thought maybe she just wanted a way to end the date, so she decided to sabotage it. This idea was thrown out the window a few weeks later, when she contacted me again and said she would give it another go. As if I had done something wrong by telling her the truth and she was giving me a second chance.

So why did I have so much difficulty saying the words "I love you"? Well first of all I would have been lying, second of all she was asking me far too soon, after just two dates. Most important of all to a man it would have signalled a new era in the relationship where you move from dating to an extreme closeness where both of you have to contact each other everyday and know what each other is doing. I would not have had a problem saying the words I love you, if I meant it, if we were in an established relationship and if I was prepared to move the relationship onto the next stage.

In General though, men hate the words "I love you", men hate emotional stuff!

  • There are men that will say "I love you" just to please you, when they don't mean it.
  • There are men that will say "I love you" and mean it.
  • There are men that won't say "I love you" because they can't say it with meaning.
  • There are men that won't say "I love you" because they find it too difficult to say those words.

All men will particularly hate saying the words "I love you" in front of their male friends. Men hate emotional things and by saying it in front of their friends it makes them look and sound like a wimp and means their friends will be making fun of them up until the point where your relationship has ended.

My advice: don't ask him too early on in the relationship whether he loves you. Men who really are in love with you, will usually pluck up the courage to say it to you eventually anyway, when they feel right saying it and when they are not with their friends or in a public place. Most men find it difficult to express emotional stuff, so don't make it even more difficult for him. They won't be saying those words because they enjoy saying them, they will be saying them because they want to please you.

If he says that he can't answer that yet, at least he is being honest. He does not want to say "I love you" because he is confused and because he thinks he won't mean it. At least if he says "I love you" in the future you know he means it!

To women "I love you" are powerful words, to a man, it is just boring emotional stuff, that he prefers not to deal with, but he has to say "I love you" to satify a woman's needs.

23) Why do men like Porn and what are Wet Dreams?

The majority (but not all) of men absolutely love porn. They certainly won't admit they like it to women or in public because it is still perceived as shameful. They are scared that a woman will dump them if they admit that they like porn. This is one of the things where men just dare not tell the truth, even if they are usually an honest man. It is therefore usually a very awkward subject to bring up with your boyfriend. The best way to approach it is if you also like porn, show him some of your favourite porn. Then ask him if he likes porn, he is then more likely to give you an honest answer. There are some men that don't like porn or haven't seen porn but I can certainly say they are in the minority.

I tend to flirt between two views of porn. Some days I think I wish it did not exist and then it would not be so tempting because it can become an addictive drug. I also think that it gives men an unrealistic view of women and puts too much expectations on girlfriends to perform certain fantasies for men.

Other days I think it is a very good thing to have, when you consider mans problems with hormones. Men have very high levels of testosterone and find it very difficult to control their sexual desires. Porn basically gives them the ability to release these hormones without harming women. The build up of hormones in a mans body can be compared with a Champagne bottle with a loose cork, that is being shaken vigourously, the pressure builds up to the extent where the cork has to pop at some point. So the good side of porn is that it enables men to see the fantasies that he is never going to be able to perform and also relieve a man when he is not getting any sex.

When men don't view porn they end up having wet dreams, for some reason that sperm just has to leave the body somehow whether it is through having a wet dream, through masturbation or through sex. I can't stand wet dreams because you wake up in the middle of the night sweaty, with wet clothes and wet sheets. In the middle of the night you usually have to change sheets, wash yourself, change clothes, have a drink of water, urinate to get rid of the sperm still stuck inside your tubes (otherwise we end up with an infection). Then it's difficult to get back to sleep and you wake up in the morning with something close to a hangover. And when you experience this anywhere from once a week to once every two weeks it becomes very irritating.

Has a man ever been very adventurous in bed. He has done something that you absolutely loved or absolutely hated. Well he more than likely learnt this from a porn video. Porn teaches men to be a bit more adventurous in bed. It gives him some experience of seeing different positions and trying different fantasies. In most cases this will benefit you because the more different things he tries on you, the more likely he will find something that gives you a heavenly orgasm.

The problem is that much of the porn he sees is made for a mans satisfaction so he is equally more likely to do things you absolutely hate. But you can make it known to him that you don't like it and he can then move onto the next alternative. The problem is, he sees women in these porn videos have fake orgasms and looking as though they are actually enjoying what is happening. Whether female porn stars actually enjoy what they are doing, I can't answer! But he is more than likely to pick up bad habits as well as good habits. This is not a bad thing because you can just make sure he knows not to do the bad things and performs the good things instead.

Then there are the health issues. Often when I have gone too long without getting the sperm out of my body, I have ended up with epididymitis or urine infections. Most probably caused by old sperm dying inside my tubes and clogging the insides. (Sperm dies after so long and that is probably the reason why we get the urge to get it out of our bodies every so often). The other reason is much more serious because it is said that a man who is sexually inactive has an increased chance of getting Prostate and testicular Cancer.

Another debatable reason men put forward for porn is that the penis is a muscle and that muscle needs to be exercised ready for pleasing women. Whether exercising it on a regular basis makes a difference I don't know?

One last word of advice is, don't ask to view his porn unless you are open minded and ready for a shock. Male porn is far different to porn targeted at females. Men have different minds to women and that is reflected in the type of porn they like. Male porn does not usually have any storyline and is usually quite aggressive and roar sex (from a womans point of view). But if you want you can show him your porn, and if you masturbate as well don't be ashamed of him finding out. In most cases men find it a turn on if they find out women masturbate, he might even ask to watch you. Let's face it, men have to hide the fact that we masturbate, if he finds out you do as well, it will be a relief to him.

22) Why most men hate Soap Operas?

After reading through magazines, watching movies and watching the latest edition of soap operas your imagination runs wild. You start to think that I want a life like that or I hope that never happens to me. The reality is that our life is nothing like a movie or a soap opera. There maybe some things in the soap that happen to you but in general whatever appears on TV is not reality.

Ok so men like factual things and hate anything emotional. The emotional nature and lack of facts in a soap are probably the biggest reasons for men disliking Soaps, but they are not the only reasons.

The majority of men absolutely hate soap operas because they know that women are going to compare their lives with what is happening on the latest soap opera. Women for some reason want to relive most of the moments on the soap opera. Fair enough they have conversations with their friends about what's happened on the latest edition of Coronation Street. But don't make the big mistake and think your life should be like a soap opera or a movie.

Life in reality is full of good times and bad times. Life would be boring if it was easy. But don't make life any harder than it already is by being a drama queen. Sometimes men find these drama moments entertaining but go over the top and he will find them annoying. Too much drama or inflating an issue too far and sorry he will be thinking (manipulative, devious witch) maybe I am going out with the wrong woman.

Equally so women who reckon that they should experience all the good times that their latest soap character has experienced are also very naive. While there is nothing wrong with reminding him to be romantic every now and then, don't bombard him with the your latest fad as seen on Coronation Street every week. That's tacky, annoying and makes him feel as though he is worthless to constantly compare him with a movie star or soap star. Comparing him every once in a while is fine but don't constantly put him down, because you wouldn't like it if he did the same to you.

The reality of real life is the challenge of bringing up children, balancing your finances, buying a house, shopping for groceries etc. Balanced with some very exciting times such as wedding days, honeymoons, romantic dates, when your child first walks or talks, when your child gets married and continues the next generation of your family.

When he is not working on the latest movie, even Brad Pitt has to think about the more mundane things in life. So don't try to make your life like a fantasty story on TV.

21) Why do men call women bad names?

You may have heard men call women all sorts of bad names. Usually it is when talking to other men about their women. Even as a man, it is difficult to say whether a man really means some of things he says or whether he is just acting macho to his friends. But certainly in some circumstances the things they say are to hide their true feelings about a woman.

The fact is that women are more fussy when choosing a man. A man is less fussy but is also prone to using a woman for sex. Quite often a friend will say "what happened with the blonde the other night". A man will usually reply with something macho "she turned out to be a bitch" or "she was just a shag". It is hard to understand whether this is a true statement of their feelings or whether it is a displacement of their true feelings. What you are unlikey to hear a man say to another man is "she turned me down because I was not her type", that is just too emotional for a man and admits to his friend that he has been rejected. So although he says those phrases, they might actually be hiding the fact that he is really disappointed because the more fussy woman has rejected him.

Another common circumstance where he will call a woman bad names, is where she has been cheating on him. Again he fails to tell his friend in an emotional manner because men hate emotions. He will tell his friends: "she was a slapper/slut anyway". Again this is jumping over the fact that he has been cheated on and rejected. Also by insulting her with a name and telling everybody else she is a slapper/slut he is turning his mind around to the fact that he is not going to miss her and he should move onto someone else, whilst also getting his revenge by telling other people.

In conclusion, a man does have feelings, he just does not like displaying these feelings to anybody else. He deals with situations like this by convincing himself that the woman was not worth the bother anyway, it's his only coping mechanism.

Of course if the relationship has progressed to the love stages, he will be far more frustrated. Dopamine and other brain chemicals are involved and he will display much more aggressive, emotional and frustrated symptoms. I don't know enough about the chemical reactions in the brain when we fall in love and when we split up, so I will refrain from trying to describe this process.

20) What car should he have?

Women rightly realise that the type of car he drives, says a lot about him. Unfortunately women have a very narrow view and think new, flash, expensive sports car is the best option. It maybe the best option for some women but definitely not for all women.

If you bear in mind I am talking about single men in this article. My opinion is based on actual guys that I know. It may seem as though I am attacking their personalities but I'm not, I am simply stating what a woman should be thinking about when judging the type of car he drives.

New car: This tells you that this man is looking to impress his friends, he needs his car to impress his personality and show his status. He is also not very good with money. He has just bought a car that has depreciated by £2000 just after driving it off the forecourt. This guy is probably going to have difficulty managing his finances. He seems so obsessed with impressing his friends, that he has forgot about the financial investment of buying a car. Whether he is rich or not he has just thrown away a few thousand pounds. Unless it is a company car of course.

Four wheel drives and vans: These are guys that want to be seen to be masculine. Look here I have a masculine vehicle. An aggresive driver who doesn't really give a damn about anybody else on the road. Maybe a bit of a self centered, aggressive, assertive guy then or maybe lacking self confidence in other areas of his life?

Sports car: Likes to live a dangerous, exciting life. The problem is, does he have any brains?There is a speed limit, so what is the point in buying an expensive car that does 200mph. To show off of course. This guy is obviously a complete poser who absolutely adores himself. Don't expect him to adore you. If you hear him saying "you look great today", he is obviously looking in the mirror at himself.

Loads of accesories: You know what I mean by loads of accessories. They are obviously trying to customise their car to add their personality to it. This is a very bold person, that it is not frightened to show their personality. Unfortunately they will find it very difficult to sell their car to someone with a different personality. Maybe making the statement that I can't afford a flash car, so I'll stick a few accessories on to make it look good.

Medium sized car, few years old, low to average price: We are talking Fiat Puntos, Vauxhall Corsas, Ford Fiestas. This guy is good with his finances, sensible and does not have any interest in impressing anybody. He has chosen a car for it's real purpose to transport him from one place to another.

17-24 year old with flash car: You know that this guy either has wealthy parents or a £10,000 loan. Most likely to be a £10,000 loan. If you can imagine that only 5% of the British population can afford to pay cash for a £10,000 car. About 4% of those are over 40 year old. That leaves 1% of people between the ages of 17-40 who can afford to pay cash on an expensive car. Get married to this man and you are inheriting his debts. He is only 17-24, now imagine what the debts will be like by the time he is 40 and you have kids.

Why do you buy a car? You buy a car to transport you from one place to another. The car needs to be comfortable, economical and reliable. Add anything else to your list and you are making emotional and psychological statements that you are trying to impress people or you feel like you will get an emotional buzz out of buying something fancy.

19) How do you tell if a guy fancies you?

It is quite easy for a woman to tell whether a guy fancies them. I would say that most average looking women can expect at least 60% of guys to fancy them. Good looking women can expect that to increase to at least 90%. You probably don't believe me with this, but I base my findings on what my friends and male associates think of women. Of course this is just an initial thought of whether he fancies you. Based on looking across a room and seeing how attractive you are. Sorry to say this, but at this point most guys will be interested in whether "she is worth a shag", to put it bluntly.

The obvious sign that he is interested in you is whether his first lines of communication is a chat up line or an attempt at humour. He is obviously trying to impress you with his wicked sense of humour, not realising that women tend to hate chat up lines and male humour. His voice will be enthusiastic and not low and depressed. Men quite often sound as though they are making a forced, instinctive comment maybe because they are nervous or because they are keen to impress you.

Signs to look out for is whether his feet are pointing towards you, this shows he is paying close attention to you and is not desperate to walk away.

Whether he remembers things about what you said 10 minutes ago, if he is repeating a question that you have already answered, then he wasn't paying attention. A good sign is if he is asking you to elaborate on what you have just said, basically asking you to disclose a bit more information. The majority of men are not particularly good at talking, so what you will be looking out for is whether he is listening to you. In general, men don't bother with conversation unless they feel they are going to get some benefit out of it. These rules are thrown out when you are in a nightclub or disco though, because you can't hear a word anyone says when there is loud music. It's close to impossible to have any form of conversation in a nightclub.

Quite a few men are so bad at talking, you will barely get any words out of him at all. This is particularly the case if he is standing in a group. However you can still look for signs even though he is not talking. He will be focused on you but will be fiddling with his tie. Instead of talking he will exaggerate his laugh, particularly if you say something remotely funny. He will touch his ear lobes to signify he is listening intensely to what you are saying. He will thrust his chest, shoulders and arms out to make himself look more manly.

The less shy men will be trying to touch you on the arm or back whenever they get the chance. Men rarely touch women unless they find them attractive.

It is possible that some men might not find you attractive at first and if he doesn't find you attractive he will not approach you. Therefore you must approach him and attract his attention. You only have to engage in some brief conversation and if that conversation goes well and progresses onto a conversation that he enjoys, he will begin to warm to you. Men like women who are warm and caring and he will be proud of the fact that you thought he was worth talking to. He will gradually move from a closed position turned away from you, folded arms and defensive, and trying to run away, to an open position pointing towards you and listening intensely.

There are things that probably happen so fast you won't notice and they include licking the lips, touching the neck and face briefly, dilated pupils. When he is talking to you he will often rotate looking at your eyes, hair and lips and depending on what you are wearing he will also look briefly at your legs and boobs. Sometimes he will mentally try his best not to look at your boobs, but his brain will not be able to resist at least a few brief glimpses.

Mirroring is a very strong bond between you both. Mirroring basically means making the same or similar movements to the other person. For example you cross your legs then he crosses his legs. There is often a delay of maybe up to a few minutes and he won't mirror everything you do but should mirror most things. It is said that if you are not mirroring what the other person does within 15 minutes then you are not really connecting. If the guy is doing the opposite to mirroring then there is obviously no connection at all. I must also point out that mirroring is not just doing exactly the same things as you, it can be similar movements. So if you swing your hands, he probably won't swing them in exactly the same way but will make a similar hand movement just after you.

Negative body language includes covering his face with his hands, tapping or fiddling violently with objects (rather than caressing an object), playing with his finger nails, looking over your shoulder at someone else, staring into open space when you are talking. Conversation wise he will be giving short and sharp answers to questions and pointing his feet away like he is trying to run away.

18) Which type of man should I go for?

I don't really think there is a correct answer to this, because different men are right for different women.

I fancied a lass at work and for years I tried my best to chat her up and I think she actually fancied me as well. The problem was we could never seem to have a proper conversation together. We either spoke at the same time and interrupted each other or we could not think of anything to keep the conversation going. Whenever we did anything we were never synchronized to what the other person was doing. For example I would reach over to offer her something just as she begun to look in the other direction. Initially it was probably because we were both nervous. However the ultimate fact was that we were not made for each other, even though we found each other attractive and we tried our best to get together it was never going to work. We should have been showing some synchronization after a few months of knowing each other. We should have been having free flowing conversation in a relaxed manner. We could not demonstrate either of those after a few years so we should have given up on each other and moved on a long time ago.

The type of man you want is someone who can pass as your best friend. Who instinctly knows what you enjoy and what you don't enjoy.

Women focus far too much on material things when they are looking for a man. They want a guy with a flash car, a brilliant job, smart clothes, a man popular with other women, famous guys from the movies or a football player. Instead they should focus more on who is compatible with them. You can't possibly say that a man that other women fancy is going to be a good match for you. Are you really going to fancy every Premiership football player you set eyes on? A guy with a flash car, smart clothes and high status may look good when you are showing off to your friends, but is he really the man for you? Is he going to stick around through the good times and bad times or is he going to move onto his next woman when the going gets tough?

Think about what you want from a man in the long term. You want a man that will make a good father and a good husband. He needs to be caring (not a bad boy), reliable, sensible, fun, faithful and somebody you can discuss your feelings with. Not some macho, show off who is always attracting the attention of other women and can't resist other women.

Tuesday, April 12, 2005

17) Why do men act like sex starved creatures?

Men have very high levels of the hormone testosterone in their bodies. This hormone means a guy is constantly thinking about sex all the time.

Women don’t like men overtly displaying these desires. Men might lose their jobs through sexual harrassment or they might get arrested, so men suppress their sexual desires.

The problem comes when men drink alcohol or take drugs. Drugs and alcohol turn off the reasoning part of the brain, add that to the high testosterone levels and men can no longer suppress their desires most of the time.

Once men get a taste for sex they become addicted to it. They want to experiment and try different things. The only way they can do that is with different women. Most women do not want sex all the time, so the man has to seek different women if he wants to have sex on a regular basis and experiment with different things.

Men can’t give birth to children and they therefore don’t see sex as dangerous. Having sex for a woman can change the rest of her life because she could end up pregnant and looking after a child. Or a woman could end up with a Sexually Transmitted Disease and end up infertile for the rest of her life. Having sex for men is fun and exciting. Many men don't understand the big impact that it has on a woman, particularly the immature men.

My recommendation is if you don’t want sex don’t give him any encouragement. Don’t invite him in for coffee, don’t flirt with him to a point where you are inciting him to want to have sex. As soon as you invite him in for coffee, his hormones will immediately go wild and he will be anticipating sex, it will be very difficult for him to resist, even if you say no. It kinda flicks a switch in his brain, if you flick that switch in his brain it is extremely difficult for him to resist. So don’t put yourself in that position until you are ready for it.

16) I am overweight and can’t seem to attract men!

No, you have got it totally wrong. What you mean is that you are overweight so you lack self confidence and you think men don’t find you attractive.

First of all sorry for using the terms "overweight women" and "overweight girlfriend", I have to get my point across, I don't particularly like those terms!

Well some men find overweight women more attractive. I know three of my friends that like overweight women. One has being going out with an overweight girlfriend for a year and a half. The other is a bit of a typical man and goes from one woman to another but most of them are overweight women. And the other goes for a mixture of both. And in my case I would say I was less likely to go out with an overweight women, but I probably would if they demonstrated to me they were my type of woman.

If I focus on the friend that has been going out with an overweight girlfriend for over a year. What is it about her that he finds attractive? Well her hair is always perfect, always styled in a way that suits her. She wears clothes that suit her and that make her look less overweight than she is. But most important of all, is her personality. She has a confident, funny personality and a great sense of humour. Add all those together and that is why my friend is still going out with her and that’s why she had many boyfriends before my friend.

So yes you may be a lot more healthy and feel a lot better if you lost weight but don’t try and tell anyone that the reason you can’t find a man is because you are fat. You need to do something about it. Whether it be lose weight, get a better hair style, improve your self confidence, bring your personality alive, wear clothes that suit you. Many men don’t actually realise it but a man can actually find a woman attractive based on their personality alone. He can actually head towards a group of women and think one of the slimmer alternatives is ideal. After talking to her, he gets a bad aura from her and then starts chatting to one of her more overweight friends and finds that her personality is amazing and gradually blocks out the fact that she may be a bit overweight.

While losing weight might be the best long term alternative, don’t presume that because you are overweight men find you unattractive. You may get more knock backs as a result of being overweight, but it could be that the knock backs are as a result of your lack of self confidence.

15) Why do some men grow breasts?

It is caused by a mixture of alcohol and excessive weight. The reason why alcohol is involved is because when men drink alcohol, it is said to increase the female hormone oestrogen massively. As a result massive alcohol intake and oestrogen levels over many years can result in men growing breasts.

The reason excessive weight is involved is that when men eat too much it puts fat around their waist and chest. If they exercise, this fat might turn to muscle, if they don’t exercise then this fat will look like breasts.

Incidentally before you ask, I am not sure whether the high levels of the female hormone oestrogen actually affects a mans fertility, but the logical answer would be yes. Excess alcohol can cause impotence and erectile dysfunction and so is more than likely to reduce his fertility as well.

14) What to do when a guy approaches?

It takes a lot of courage for a guy to approach a woman, most guys are not very good at communication. You have got to deal with the approach correctly.

Unfortunately, he has probably had too much bad advice from his friends. Or thinks that by using a chat up line or being sexually aggressive he can win you over. As you don't like that sort of approach you probably have to deal with him diplomatically.

If you like him, smile and build up a conversation. Don't immediately open up to him, let him work and prove himself to you. But don't be defensive or cold either. At your own speed gradually open up to him and increase your flirting.

Never walk away because you want to play hard to get. If you walk away not many men are going to come back, by walking away you have made it clear, you are not interested. Unless of course you have told him you will be back in a minute or you have given him your phone number.

If you don't like him, be polite but firm about it. This guy has built up his courage to come over and start a conversation with you. Don't say "Get lost loser, nerd, geek or Do I look desperate". Even though they don’t openly show it, men have feelings as well. This is just plain nasty, would you like it if every time you approached a guy they said "Get lost ugly". The chances are that he has told his friends, so not only have you just called this guy a loser, you have also ruled out the chances of getting with his 20 other friends and all the guys that his 20 friends knows. Equally so, making friends with this guy may allow you to strike up a conversation with one of his more attractive friends.

13) Why is playing hard to get the wrong thing to do?

It’s up to you really, if you want to play hard to get, play hard to get. But what you are doing is basically saying to a man, you fancy them and then confusing him and saying you might fancy them. Most men will simply see you as a flirt or think you are playing games with them or that you don’t fancy them. The result - he will just walk away. Playing hard to get is just going to narrow down the amount of men that you can choose from. What you are left with is a few persistent guys, that are not necessarily the best guys to go for.

12) Why women should not flirt for fun?

Many women do it. Admit it! You flirt for fun. You don’t really fancy a bloke, but you want to have some fun, maybe boost your self confidence a bit and have a laugh at this bloke who is falling for you.

Well it is most definitely not funny. It will simply reduce your chance of finding a guy. Men have a name for women that flirt for fun, it is too impolite to mention here. But what you can guarantee, is that you will get a reputation for flirting with guys that you don’t fancy. That reputation will spread because men talk about women a lot.

What will happen is the other guys that fancy you will not ask you out. They don’t want to be laughed at like the other guy was and they won’t be able to tell whether you fancy them or not because you flirt with virtually everyone.

It’s simple, men will no longer find you attractive and the ones that still find you attractive won’t ask you out anyway.

11) Where is the best place to pick up blokes?

Unfortunately the best places to pick up blokes are usually the places women hate going. However you should be thinking that you are there to enjoy the game of picking up blokes not to enjoy the place itself.

Yes the places I am talking about are Football matches, gyms, car auctions and computer fairs. Basically a place where you are going to be far outnumbered by men. This means that you have a wide variety of choice and you are more likely to attract their attention because you are virtually the only female there.

You may think it is boring to watch a football match, but you are not going to watch the football, you are going to watch the men. Guys at football matches must have fairly decent jobs because they can afford a season ticket. So you know you are speaking to a man with at least an average income. If you want to be in with the high earners you will have to purchase the expensive tickets at the expensive end of the ground. That's the price you have to pay if you want to find the high earners. Remember to avoid the family enclosure though, these are full of married men and their kids.

You may think that computer fairs are going to be full of computer geeks or computer nerds. But a wide range of men are into computing nowadays. Computing is an essential skill for virtually every job nowadays. So don't make presumptions that a computer fair is going to be full of computer nerds or geeks. You are going to find a good mixture of intelligent and wealthy kind of men. And the Computer nerds and usually intelligent as well, so why not give them a try.
Spice up your life and visit the places a man would visit!

Sunday, April 03, 2005

10) Why are men so insensitive?

The majority of men are not socially intelligent. Men do not think like a woman does. Our brains are different and we are brought up differently.

I think you can safely say that most men do not talk as much as women. Talking is a talent women have, men talk but not particularly well. Even when men talk to their friends it is usually disjointed banter. When they make public speeches it is usually prepared well in advance.

Women find it easy to make a conversation and are very adaptable at moving the conversation onto another topic, men struggle to adapt the conversation and can not hold a conversation for as long as women. Of course there are some men that are born with female oriented brains, so there are some exceptions.

The majority of men do not set out to actively offend a woman by saying insensitive things.

They say insensitive things for a number of reasons:
- They word things wrong, so that they sound insensitive. Saying one thing but meaning something different.
- They don't understand what is insensitive to women. When men talk to other men, anything goes. In fact the more outlandish the comments to another man, the more funny other men find it. They forget that women do not like to talk about the same things.
- Women analyse what men say and try to find an inner meaning to what they say. In general there is no inner meaning to what a man says. So men say one thing, women hear something else because they analyse it as if it was a woman talking.
- Then there is the loaded question. Need I say anything about that ladies. Where you ask a question that has no correct answer. That is very cruel and plays on the fact that men are not socially intelligent. Naughty ladies!

9) My breasts are not very big, should I get them enlarged?

The common feeling amongst most men is that big breasts are a source of amusement. As soon as a man sees big breasts the comments and breast jokes can flow with his friends. It’s banter. I must admit to that banter myself. Do I like women with big breasts? Well I like women with a nice personality and at least an average looking body. Some of the women I like have big breasts, some small and some average.

What I am saying is that big breasts are a source of amusement but men do not choose their women on the basis of the size of their breasts. We might ogle Pamela Anderson but do we really want to marry Pamela Anderson, I don’t think so!

And let’s face it, you might have small breasts now, but if you have our baby they will be the size of milk tankers!

Fact: there are men that like big breasts, there are men that like small or average breasts. Most men like women of all sizes.

8) I always attract guys with No Personality. Why?

First all there is no such thing as “No Personality”. All men and women have personalities and they are all unique personalities. “No personality” is an irritating phrase manufactured by women who thought they were super attractive, and they have past this bad phrase onto all women. I used to hear it in the 1990’s and now all women are saying it. Other charming words include loser, geek and nerd. Save these words for men that have been nasty to you, not guys that felt you were so special they built up the courage to approach you.

The chances are that these guys you are attracting are guys that lack a bit of self confidence. Life would be boring if all guys were self confident, they would all have super egos. You may think that “lacking self confidence” equals no personality but how do you know if you don’t get to know them? Quite often these men with no personality just need one woman to boost their self confidence and as soon as they do they turn into very funny, vivacious guys. If you are not interested in these guys that keep approaching you, just politely tell them you are not interested, be flattered by the fact that there are guys interested in you.

I must also point out that he might only be lacking self confidence in approaching women, it does not mean he lacks self confidence in other areas of his life. And let's face it, the reason why he is probably lacking self confidence with women, is because he has had so many dimwits say "Get lost geek". Calling a guy a geek is bad news for you as well. News travels fast amongst his friends and associates that you called him a geek, so you have just ruined your chances with most of the guys in the immediate area. And they will remember if they see you again in another location. Just like women don't like nasty men, men don't like nasty women.

My recommendation though is to give a few of these guys a chance, try something different, spice up your life. Go out with them for anywhere up to a maximum of 1 month, if he is not confident or interesting in that time, then give him the elbow. If you are lucky you might have found a guy that thinks you are a princess for boosting his self confidence and enhancing his personality. If he thinks you are a princess, he will treat you like a princess.

7) How do I find a guy that is not just interested in sex?

That is a very difficult question. Ultimately all men want sex, any man that says otherwise is a liar.

But I presume you mean a man that wants a long term relationship, rather that just a few months of sex or a one night stand. I will explain the things to watch out for.

Flash guys. You know the ones with a BMW sports car (should be screaming out £20,000 in debt), poser, gods gift to women and has a gift when it comes to chatting up women. The women just converge on these guys and his friends. Well you know for a fact that if this guy is surrounded by women, he has got no shortage of interested women. Therefore you can be a bit more intelligent than the average woman and realise this guy is just going to move from one woman to the next. Not the type of guy you want a long term relationship with. Unless you fancy being a single mother, bankrupt because of his flash cars and friends with the dozens of other single mothers he has deceived.

Most women tend to go for the wrong type of men. They always go for men that have girlfriends or are married. That’s a problem. To go out with you, they are usually the unfaithful type that are only interested in sex. Usually they will use you as a bit on the side for a few months without telling their girlfriend or wife. At best they will dump their girlfriend or wife for you, the problem is when the next best woman comes along, you are the one getting dumped.

Unfaithful men can not be reformed so don’t bother with them!

So how do you find the faithful men that are NOT JUST interested in sex. Well you make friends with as many men as possible. Just keep them as friends until you know for certain. Gradually over time they will leak whether they are just interested in sex or whether they want a long term relationship. Believe me there are men out there that want long term relationships, but they won't openly admit it. I am one of the them. Usually the older a man gets the more maturer he gets and the more likely he will be looking for a long term relationship.

You can also pick out from their friends what type of bloke a man is. Usually a friend will say something like “Steven hasn’t had any sex for years, poor guy” Jokingly. You can immediately derive from this sentence that the guy saying it thinks he can get sex whenever he wants and Steven has not had any sex for a while. So to you, Steven should immediately show potential. The chance is if he has gone years without sex, waiting another few months while he is going out with you is not going to make much difference to him. If it does make a difference having to wait for sex then he obviously doesn’t value your relationship, so get rid of him!

My advice is that you never have sex with a guy for the first few dates. This is how you weed out the guys that are interested in you and the guys that are just interested in getting laid. Make him wait at least a month!

6) I end up with guys who want one night stands all the time!

Lessons can be learnt from this. You say you are going out and getting drunk. Drunk women are only attractive to drunk guys. Drunk guys are only interested in sex. Most guys are only interested in sex but drunk guys are more likely to only be interested in sex. They are hardly likely to remember a thing about you the next morning. You are probably wishing you can't remember a thing about them!

You may be an absolutely gorgeous woman when you are sober. But if you go out and get drunk you will only be attractive to a guy who is equally or more drunk than you. The reason I say this is because a sober guy will not find a drunk woman attractive, no matter how attractive you are when you are sober. A drunk woman looks a mess, she talks rubbish and can barely stay on her feet. What man is going to find that kind of woman attractive.

If I turn it round, if you were sober and there was a drunk man trying to chat you up. He can barely walk in a straight line, his words are garbled. Would you be interested?

If you must drink alcohol, drink it in moderation. Don’t listen to your so called friends that want to get you drunk, just so they can tap up the good looking guys while you are laid on the floor, flat on your face.

Alcohol is more likely to make you do something you regret. It is not going to produce a good night, if all you are going to do is go out and get drunk. Let's face it, if he did give you good sex, you probably won't remember it anyway.

My advice is that you never have sex with a guy on the first night of meeting him. This is how you weed out the guys that are interested in you and the guys that are just interested in getting laid. Make him wait!

5) My boyfriend is always going on at me about drinking alcohol!

I think he is scared I am going to get off with another man when I am out clubbing with the girls.

You would be right in saying that. Correct me if I am wrong but the majority of women, when they are sober are not that keen on casual sex. The problem is when women drink alcohol their male testosterone levels quadruple. Testosterone levels increases the desire to have sex, as demonstrated in men! Add to that, the fact that the reasoning part of your brain is switched off by the alcohol. So you may not know it but alcohol is likely to encourage you to have a regrettable one night stand.

If your boyfriend is intelligent and is wanting a long term relationship with you, he may also be concerned about your health. You probably already know about the nasty Sexual Transmitted Diseases, so I won’t bother mentioning them. What many women fail to realise is the damage they are doing to their bodies by drinking alcohol. Alcohol = high male testosterone levels and lower female oestrogen levels. That is not good for your long term fertility.

Add to that the fact that alcohol damages liver and brain cells and you can see why your boyfriend should be concerned about you and every other woman that goes out binge drinking. He does not want an infertile, brainless, unhealthy woman. He cares about you, isn't that a good thing!

4) My boyfriend is rubbish at sex, what can I do?

Encourage him to experiment with your body, so both you and him can find out what is good and what is bad.

Sorry to be crude, but he probably hasn’t had much sexual experience or he hasn’t watched many porn videos or he has watched the wrong type of porn videos.

When something feels good let him know by increasing the level of your moans. Move your body so that he hits the right places. If you want more intense movements move you body towards him. If you want less intense movements, move your body away slightly. Grab hold of his hands and move them to the right places.

Give him eye contact and move your eyes in such a way as to pull him to the right place on your body. Use your eyes to indicate whether you are enjoying what he is doing or not enjoying it.

No fake orgasms, because he will think that you like what he is doing.

Eventually if you give him a bit of coaching you will no longer need to give him any indications about what you want. It is all about body language and communicating what you want and what you don’t want.

If he doesn’t improve after a while of course, you can always get a new boyfriend.

It is amazing how many women expect men to be psychic. He’s not psychic, tell him what you like and what you don’t like.

3) I haven’t got a very attractive body so I am useless with guys!

I don’t believe you. I think what you mean is that you don’t use your body well enough around men. All women have parts of their body that are good and parts that are bad, even super models. The key to attracting men is to show off the good parts and distract them or cover up the bad parts. For example you might have chunky legs, don’t wear a short skirt, but you might have an amazing bust line in which case wear a low cut revealing top. He won’t be paying any attention to your chunky legs because he will be focused on your lovely breasts. And don’t slap a bloke who focuses on your breasts, if he can’t keep his eyes off them, that is a compliment and he can’t help it. Men like breasts, so get used to it!

Hair is another thing. There are such a wide range of hair styles you can have, just enhancing your hair style can make you more confident and more attractive. There have actually been times when I have been talking to a woman with a low cut top and I have been totally focused on her hair when I am talking to her. The reason was her hair was a brilliant style and a brilliant texture. Hair is probably the first thing I look at on a woman, nice hair demonstrates a healthy woman with good personality. I often wish I could run my fingers through her hair and play with it, that's how much I love it!

Clothes. You can cover up the whole of your body and still look brilliant by just wearing the right clothes. Clothes that suit you and make you look sexy. Most men don’t actually know this but if you brush past them and you are wearing a nice textured material, that can feel very nice against a mans skin. He will probably think the fact that you brushed against him attracted his attention, when really his brain was saying that was a nice texture. Whereas wear a sandpaper type material and brush past him and he will probably make sure you don’t come near him again.

Personality. If you exude a confident, friendly personality you will win him over without him paying too much attention to your body. A super model may look good but what man wants to spend the rest of his life with somebody that doesn’t care, has an attitude problem and a miserable personality. The point is the personality and confidence of a woman is far more important than a woman or man realises. If he gets married to you he will have to live with you for the rest of his life. What would he prefer for the rest of his life, a woman with a great body who constantly argues and is miserable and unfaithful. Or a woman with an average body who is friendly, caring and generally happy?

2) Why are Bad Boys a Bad Mistake?

It is amazing the amount of young women who go for the bad boys. I just don’t get it. Speak to a woman who is older than 30 year old and she will give you some good advice about bad boys. If you don’t heed their advice then you are going to go through some serious problems later in life.

Bad boys are very exciting for a few years, will keep you entertained. Will definitely be able to stick up for you. And he will need to stick up for himself because he will constantly be getting into trouble. The devastating blow usually comes after spending 5 years with him. Bad boys can not be reformed and so you will more than likely be left with somebody who is unfaithful, a liar, years of being a liar and getting into trouble will start catching up with him. When things stop going their way they can often turn into violent bad boys and they won't think twice about leaving you and your children for another woman. After 5 years, he will no longer be the exciting boy you knew and you will be wishing you took the advice of your friends.

Bad boys can not be reformed they are always going to be bad boys and even someone as gorgeous as you is not going to change their personality. Bad boys will always be unfaithful, they will always have a bad attitude, they don’t care about anybody but themselves, they will deceive you all the time and some of them may even be violent bad boys. In the unlikely event you do change him from a bad boy, he will no longer appeal to you anymore, because he won’t be the person you met.

Let me tell you this, by the time you are 30, you will be a single mother. He will be using your house as a drop in, for when he is between girlfriends. Don’t even think about claiming child benefit from him, you and all the other single mothers. Just stay well away, these are the one type of men you should call a loser because they treat women like dirt.

1) What is this blog about?

The aim of this blog is to give women some insight into a man's mind. It's a man writing it, so I apologise if my writing style does not suit women. I have written this blog as honestly as possible. The opinions should reflect what the majority of men think about women. But of course I could be wrong in my opinions.

It should indirectly teach you, how to seduce men and also try to understand what men think and how men think. In general though women do not understand men and men do not understand women. We both have a different way of thinking, and unfortunately those thinking patterns clash sometimes!

If you have any questions about men, then please send me a message....